FREE JOKES!

Free Jokes (Religious)

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she

could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed,

"Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord,

please don't let me be late!" As she was running and praying,

she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress.

She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again.

As she ran she once again began to pray,

"Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!...But don't shove me either."

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if he

would hear his confession. The priest assured him that he would,

and the two took up the customary positions on either side of the

divider. "Well, Father," began the old man, "At the beginning of World WarII

a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans.

So I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

"That's a wonderful thing," interjected the priest, "But it's

certainly nothing you need to confess." "It's worse, Father,"

continued the elderly fellow, "I was weak and told her that she had

to repay me for hiding in the attic by providing me with sexual

favors." The priest contemplated this disclosure for a minute and then

responded, "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a very

large risk. You would have suffered terribly at their hands if the

Germans had found you hiding her. I know that God, in his wisdom

and mercy, will balance the good and the evil of your acts, and judge

you kindly." "Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off my mind.

Can I ask another question?"

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

The old man asked, "Do I have to tell her that the war is over."

Three proofs that Jesus was Jewish:

1. he went into his father's business

2. he lived at home until age 33.

3. he was sure his mother was a virgin,she was sure he was god.

Three proofs that Jesus was Irish:

1. he never got married

2. he never held a steady job

3. his last request was a drink

Three proofs that Jesus was Puerto Rican:

1. his first name was Jesus

2. he was always in trouble with the law

3. his mother did not know who his father was

Three proofs that Jesus was Italian

1. he talked with his hands

2. he had wine with every meal

3. he worked in the building trades

Three proofs that Jesus was English

1. he dressed like shit

2. he did not know the first thing about good food

3. he was always looking for a fight

Three proofs that Jesus was American

1. he thought he had all the answers

2. he thought it was trendy to wear flip flops

3. he thought the sun shone out of his ass

Three proofs that Jesus was black

1. he called everybody brother

2. he had no permanent address

3. nobody would hire him

Three proofs that Jesus was Californian

1. he never cut his hair

2. he walked around barefoot

3. he invented a new religion

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