FREE JOKES!
|Home| |Animal| |Bathroom| |Blonde| |Clean| |Dirty| |General|
|Justice| |Other| |Political| |Racial| |Religious| |Sex| |TopTen|
|True| |Submit a joke| |PennyPincher| |FreeStuff| |ComputerHelp|
Free Jokes (Dirty/Very Offensive!)
There is no doubt that these are offensive,Don't carry on unless you are really hard to offend.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!
Camping Trip
Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and they
were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, "You
know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split
up today.
I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and
spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences
over the campfire." The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first
man hikes north.
That night over dinner, the first man tells his story.
"Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a
canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As
I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The
wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day
overhead.
How was your day?"
The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad
tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman
tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks
and we had sex in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I
was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."
"Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH better than mine. Did
you get a blow job, too?"
"Nah,"
says the second friend over his meal, "I couldn't find her head."
Back to top
Offensive Q/A
Q: What do women & dog-turds have in common? A: The older they are, the easier they are to pick up! ============================================================ Q: What do women & condoms have in common? A: They both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.============================================================ Q: Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? A: Because she was a woman============================================================ Q: How do you know if your roommate is gay? A: His dick tastes like shit.============================================================ Q: How do you circumcise a redneck? A: Kick his sister in the chin.============================================================ Q: What's red and white and gets stuck in revolving doors? A: A nun with a spear through her head!============================================================ Q: What is the difference between a fridge and a woman? A: The Fridge doesn't fart when you put meat in them.============================================================= Q: What do you call a gay Dinosaur? A: A Mega-sore-ass.============================================================= Q: How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb ? A: Two, one to put it in and one to write a folk song about it.============================================================= Q: Why did the pervert cross the road? A: Because his dick was stuck in the chicken!============================================================= Q: What's the difference between a remote control and a woman's clit? A: A man will spend 30 minutes looking for the remote.============================================================= Q: How can you tell if a redneck bitch is on the rag? A: Her brothers dick taste like blood.============================================================== Q: What's the last thing Nicole Simpson said to Ron Goldman???============================================================== Q: What's the definition of mass confusion? A: A blind lesbian at a fish market.============================================================== Q: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?? A: Pick him up and suck his dick============================================================== Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A: A quarter pounder with cheese.============================================================== Q: What does a 70 year old snatch smell like? A: Depends============================================================== Q: Why do Iraqis carry shit in their wallets ? A: Identification.============================================================== Q: What do 54,000 abused woman have in common? A: They don't fuckin listen============================================================== Q: What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? A: Well-hung!============================================================== Q: Why doesn't Jesus Christ eat M & Ms? A: 'Cuz they keep slipping through the holes in his hands!============================================================== Q: What's ugly and sleeps alone ? A: Yoko Ono.============================================================== Q: Why didn't Jesus get into MIT? A: Because he got nailed on his boards.============================================================== Q: How is Waco like a Snickers bar? A: Roasted nuts.============================================================== Q: What is Koresh wearing right now? A: His best Sunday soot. Q: What else? A: Charcoal slacks. Q: What else? A: A smoking jacket.============================================================== Q: Why is a pedophile like the turtle? A: 'Cuz he got there before the hare.============================================================== Q: What Does W.I.F.E. stand for? A: Washing, Ironing, Fucking, Etc.============================================================== Q: What does a girl with bulimia call two fingers? A: Desert.============================================================== Q: What is the leading cause of death among lesbians? A: Hairballs.============================================================== Q: Why don't lesbians wear yellow clothes? A: Because they don't want people to yell Taxi at them.============================================================== Q: How many Indians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Five. One to hold the light bulb and four to drink until the roomstarts spinning.
Geriatric Fun
This ninety year old man lived in a rest home and got a weekend pass.
He stopped in his favorite bar and sat at the end and ordered a drink.
He noticed a seventy year old woman at the other end of the bar and he
told the bartender to buy the loveley young lady a drink. As evening
progressed, the old man joined the lady and they went to her apartment,
where they got it on.
Four days later, the old man noticed that he was developing a drip, and
heheaded for the rest home doctor. After careful examination the doctor
asked the old man if he had engaged in sex recently. The old man said,
"sure". The doctor asked if he could remember who the woman was
and where she lived.
The old man said, "Sure, why?" The doctor replied "Well you'd better get
over
there, you're about to cum."
Gentleman's Club
So the other day, my friends and I went to this "Gentlemans' Club."
One of my buddies wanted to impress us, so he pulls out a $10
bill. The "dancer" came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and
put it on her butt.Not to be outdone, my other friend pulls out a $50 bill. He
calls the girl back over, licks the $50, and puts it on her other cheek.
Now the attention is focused on me. What could I do to top that? I
got out my wallet, thought for a minute.....then the banker in me
took over. I got out my ATM card, slid it down her crack, grabbed
the 60 bucks, and went home.
Email the Webmaster